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I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks, “why don’t you eat all the food?”
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
Bless me Father for I hit send.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.