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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It`s delicious.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.