Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.