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If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw