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I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.