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I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
These are not pizza stains on my shirt they are pizza memories, wonderful wonderful memories.
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.