Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
My wife and I decided not to have children. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.