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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
Youth is wasted on the young.