Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
Don`t forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That