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My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
About to try ordering subway without saying um... Wish me luck!
Im going to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people`s cars saying "sorry for the damage." Then watching the magic.
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
Missed connection: I was a 15 year old boy, you were 1984 Madonna.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".