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Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don`t make enough money to have a drug habit.
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
Do bees even have knees?
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
there is no strong beer, only weak men
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".
Some people should come with subtitles.