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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
Sometimes it would be nice if the world had an off switch.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
GF - What`s that beeping? Me - Fasten Seatbelt Alarm. GF - How can you ignore something so annoying? Me - Huh?
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....