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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
lifes a laugh, start living it!
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.