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when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.