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is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
Why do the people with the most annoying voices always appear to have the worst case of verbal diarrheal??!!
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.