Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!