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First fart at my new job.
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria