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Maybe teenagers just aren`t strong enough yet to remove the sticker from their hat
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
Money isn`t the key to happiness ... Wait a minute, I`ll just pay to have a key made.
It should really be called teethpaste.