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If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
I bought powdered water but I don`t know what to add to it.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!