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Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
It`s time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it`s over
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.