Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.