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Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted