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The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
Social Media Awkwardness: When people "like" a relationship status of being single by your ex instead of yours.
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."