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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
Dear whoever is playing sweet child o` mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you