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Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
I’m amazing in bed. I have the ability to stay there all day.
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.