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I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
"You suck! No, you suck!!" - Two women in a threesome
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.