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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"