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Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.