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Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.