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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
You know you`re up really late at night when you turn on ESPN and 2 white guys are boxing!
really vry funny
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.