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Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
Honk if you want to see my finger.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."