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I’m going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.