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There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
That`s a horrible idea ... What time?
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
"Friendzoned" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.