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Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke….. in which I talk about having a wife.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.