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Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back in my toy chest..
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.