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My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
Cops love donuts…. just not when you do them on a four lane highway.
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
*calling pizza place* "Hello?" Your pizza tastes like cardboard "Are you sure you`re not eating the box again?" *long pause* *click*
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....