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"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.