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There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
Keep calm and drink on.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
Hate it when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and it’s not even in there.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.