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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone