Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
That weird moment when u just say "what`s up " to someone and they thing you`re a shrink.
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.