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I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
I want to sleep tighter
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”