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3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.