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I wish my mind had a delete button.
Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
exercise........you mean extra fries
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.