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The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
I’m not a biologist but I’m pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
“I’m going to be a little bit late” -people that are going to be very late
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.