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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!