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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
The problem with plants is that you have to water them… like more than once apparently.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
An empty fridge is a sad fridge.
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.