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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It`s pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!