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Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.