Daily Silly Status

To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that

I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!

"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.

Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.

So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.

Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"

It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.

The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.

I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P

I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before

It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."

So I wanted to publicly apologize for not doing the ice bucket challenge for everyone that nominated me. I don`t give money to charity, unless she is on stage B at 11:30.

Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.

"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords