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If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
You make me want to be a better class of psycho.
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
One of these days I`m going to get help for my procrastination problem.
I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
All my friends are getting married and having kids or getting really good at video games.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.