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I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?