Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
A party without Vodka is just a meeting.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.