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I wish I had a dollar for every time I didn`t have a dollar.
I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn`t judge your big order for one.
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.