Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
You know your a$s is ugly when you`re the one always asked to take the photo.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.