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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
I don`t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.