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If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...