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You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon"
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
Don`t believe everything you think.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy that just wanted to check out a girl’s butt.