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Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.