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We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
I’m not fat... my stomach is 3D.
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.