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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
Sometimes it’s the little victories, like depositing a dollar to avoid overdraw fees that make me feel like a responsible adult.
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
Velcro, what a rip-off!
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome