Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
I don`t know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".