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Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
The number one key to a successful marriage is alcoholism.
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.