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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
exercise........you mean extra fries
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......