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Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...