Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
What Iām really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.