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If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those goddamned losers has decided to become Batman.
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
Question everything...Or should you?
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.